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How To Have Difficult Conversations When You Hate Conflict

Published by on May 24, 2017May 24, 2017

This issue is one of the hardest things I have to deal with in working with leaders who are wired to avoid conflict. My only effective coaching strategy is to show them through their own experience that the longer they wait the higher the price. So if you hate all the drama, deal with it early and the outcome will be well worth the risk. Excellent post by Joel Garfinkle:

“Avoiding or delaying a difficult conversation can hurt your relationships and create other negative outcomes. It may not feel natural at first, especially if you dread discord, but you can learn to dive into these tough talks by reframing your thoughts.

Begin from a place of curiosity and respect, and stop worrying about being liked. Conflict avoiders are often worried about their likability. While it’s natural to want to be liked, that’s not always the most important thing. Lean into the conversation with an open attitude and a genuine desire to learn. Start from a place of curiosity and respect — for both yourself and the other person. Genuine respect and vulnerability typically produce more of the same: mutual respect and shared vulnerability.”

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“Dan led a workshop on “Reaching Your Potential” at our annual Utility Supply Management Alliance conference. Dan led the group through a very specific process on establishing specific goals, (personal, family and professional) and on how to develop a plan of execution and evaluation.

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I had the distinct pleasure of working with Dan for about 2 yrs during his time with Anthem/Amerigroup as a consultant providing executive coaching and professional development support for myself and our leadership team. Dan is an absolute professional and an expert in this field and his engagement with our team helped us transform, particularly in the areas of conflict management/resolution, communication, delegation, trust, and leadership. Dan is candid and sincere and doesn’t shy away from providing direct feedback and a plan that helps you make leaps in your professional development. I found his guidance, tools, and coaching to be a significant factor in my personal and professional development supporting my recent career progression. Above all of his professional skills and years of experience, you can feel and see Dan’s passion for his work and this translates to meaningful and lasting engagement and impact.

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“One of our company’s core values is ’employee development.’ For the past three years Dan has played a significant role in helping us achieve that goal while increasing the leadership capital within our entire company where the business operations include manufacturing, distribution, sales, marketing and administration.

As a Christian business man I have a deep desire not only to provide for our employees physical needs but also offer a means for them to develop as a whole person. With Dan’s background and business acumen he has been able to support both their personal and professional development. Everyone that Dan has worked with has expressed tremendous appreciation to our company for providing him to assist in their growth.

If you are interested in nurturing a culture of personal development and improvement I highly recommend Dan to lead that effort.”

“Dan was a keynote speaker at our Utility Supply Management Alliance educational conference. He spoke on 21st Century Leadership to a group of Electric Utility and Supplier professionals from around the country.

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As leaders, we thank Dan Greer.”