The key area that is lacking for most leaders as they face the highly participative team dynamics that exist today is people skills. All executive coaching research clearly points to this reality and most leaders have major blind spots when it comes to this truth and that is why it can destroy team morale and productivity.
Of all the people skills that show up on most lists of inappropriate behavior, poor listening goes to the top in all current studies. Marshall Goldsmith calls it the most passive aggressive form of disrespect for colleagues.
All of us catch ourselves thinking about what we want to say rather than really concentrating on what the other person is communicating. Stephen Covey made seeking to understand the other person a priority before you seek to be understood as one of his 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
We must understand that listening is not a passive behavior. It requires several active disciplines to be successful.
We can clarify what someone has said by restating what we heard and what we think they meant. We can explore by asking additional questions about what has been said. Then we can seek confirmation from the person that is what they intended to convey.
Once you are confident you have fully understood what the other person is saying then you must take a moment to think before you speak. Make sure your response is not coming across as defensive or attacking the other person regardless of whether you agree with them or not.
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